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初三: umi iku

" .. /To me the meanest flower that blows can give/
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears."
Wordsworth
Intimations of Immorality














i don't know about doing the 'A's this year

除夕/ 初一

outside Osaka-eki

where is yours?
abandoned play-grounds.
childhood; i am hard of hearing.

the saddle is dusty, its plastic eye stare into a
static sadness.
no one dares to play.

round,
round
and round, my dreams once swirled

do a flip- a trick or two, i kiss the sky

where is that place? joys that we never revisit
the swing has broken from its poles
we have flown on high, and left our smile

behind.


a swing creaks in the going wind; ring-around-the rosies, pocket full of posies.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

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so not mine.

i love this show.

Hayao Miyazaki is a gem. his films speak like my dreams,

a blend of fantasy and reality. and splashed with innocence

.rich with undertones of meaning.

they need to do sth abt the polyclinics here, before someone dies while waiting in queue

untitled

wah pissed. i should always always buy things myself (i.e know what i want) always regret regret hate to regret regret hate that i hate to regret regret.
roll of thunder, hear me moan

can just kick myself abt making wrong choices . why is it really that it gets to me so much? having missed opportunity to maximise what would've potentially been the best?
that failed to fully achieve self-expression and the thought of it?

this self-expressing esp thru apparel. fashion should be enjoyable, else, whats else there for it. tricky aint it. how genuine is an expression worn as a presented appearnce..self-expressing to my own ideal, to validate oneself infront of others? so if i dont get the one i like best (i.e best expressed), does it make an insufficent presentation or expression of myself?

OR. this need to maximise potential, perfect.. why should it matter that much, does it jab more at the inability to justify myself to myself, or to myself in others eyes.


why this.. want to express ourselves..in any way? to vaildate our own existance?
to vent, to be a release, to share, to create -
yet unconsciously a very sure way of validating, proving ourselves to be an unique living breathing individual.


why this feeling then, the joy of expression?


Maybe. Its the joy of feeling alive.
to live, alive.






"For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing;"

"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun- all your meaningless days. "

-Ecc 9:5;9

20056 0 0 2

Sannn..niii.. ichhhi..!! Joya countdown in Kyoto -this was cool. when we started walking out towards shrine at 11 odd, i wondered where ALL these people suddenly walked out from.




it seems that i tend to miss things that i can just go on missing. Putting aside things that were never in the first place; each memory can never be revived in the whole sense of it.
Isn't this..a fundamental logic for reality to qualify in the sense of the word itself, and to be understandable in human terms. Precious yet a pity, or a pity thus precious, or...

This is a continual forward moving process, yet i do try to drag memory to bide by my pace.
Memory is like layers of life; it adds on.. it colors.. it becomes.
A person that holds on to no memory, is in lack.
Yet..one that tries to live backwards in the alcove of memory loses the now, and will forever be in lacking.

What are you short of? I fall short of it all, but am short of nothing at all?


things, as in solid things, help remind of memory. and i keep losing things; its an in-born-chronic-i-have-no-idea-how-it-happens condition.



So much to Japan trip i want to keep. in its whole sense. in its whole.

Its important to me, to remember.. scenes, moments, and how they translated in my mind's eye and the thoughts that ran through at the instant.

to keep it all.